Cop vs Thug
by Christopher Elieson

(Bell rings)

ANNOUNCER: Ladies and Gentlemen, this match is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from Camiling, Tarlac, Philippines. She stands in at five feet and two inches tall and weighs in at one hundred and ten pounds. Here is Maria Pascua!

(Crowd cheers)

GORDON ROSENBLOOM: Hello, wrestling fans, and welcome to our first match on Saturday morning!

LEE MARSHALL: Yes, and here we have, as our ring announcer stated, young Maria Pascua, who looks festive in her black shorts, matching tankini, and bare feet!

GR: You said it, Lee. I understand that Maria’s a rookie police officer back in the Philippines. There she is, placing her pair of handcuffs in the corner. Let’s see if her police training will avail her in this match up. Now, whose her opponent gonna be?

ANNOUNCER: And her opponent, coming down the aisle, he weighs in at two hundred and seventy pounds and stands in at six feet tall. He hails from New York City, New York. Here is Josh Mark Veyna!

(Crowd Boos)

GR: Hey, what’s wrong with these people? This is their hometown hero!

LM: Doesn’t mean he is popular, Gordon!

GR: Well, let’s see how Ms. Pascua fares against him.

LM: Apparently, she’s a Christian. Look! She’s in the corner, praying.

GR: She can pray all she wants, but she must realize that it takes effort to win a match.

(Bell rings)

LM: Oh, I think she knows. Look at her, walking to the center of the ring. Gotta admire her, going toe-to-toe against the big guy. She doesn’t even look scared.

GR: Yeah, Gotta admire her bravery!

LM: Well, she thinks God’s with her. Let’s see if that premise rings true.

GR: Look! Veyna’s charging towards Maria, she sidesteps out of the way. Good reflexes there!

LM: Now’s, he’s facing her again, and charging again.

GR: And again, she dodges him, but now she’s adding some offence, delivering some well-placed kicks to his butt.

LM: They don’t seem to be having much effect….

GR: Now’s he delivered a kick of his own, right to her gut, followed by a forearm to her back, driving her to the mat!

LM: He pulls her to her feet and throws a knee into her gut, and literally tosses her into the corner! Now’s she’s really in trouble!

GR: And he’s slapping her twice across the face, calling her a ‘bitch’ and a ‘loser’. Is he a misogynist or what?

LM: Hold on. Irish whip to the opposite corner, and here comes Josh, full steam ahead.

GR: Woah!! Nobody home!! Now, it’s time for this Filipina to capitalize!

LM: Yeah! With a sore back.

GR: And now’s she back to delivering those graceful kicks, this time at his gut!

LM: She backs him into a corner, and she’s up on the second rope. Must be rough for her bare feet!

GR: Grabs onto his shoulders, leans back, and, oh my God!!! She presses her feet into his gut and throws him to the center of the ring.

LM: Wow! Just wow! Supernatural strength! That’s something that will go down in history!

GR: Josh Veyna can’t believe it. He gets up, charges towards her…..

LM: And that clothesline is a miss. Maria delivers those kicks again, this time backing him towards the ropes.

GR: Now, she’s attempting an Irish whip. No, a reversal!

LM: Knee to the gut, followed by an Irish whip of his own. Follows through…..No! A miss!

GR: She runs towards the opposite ropes, bounces off and attempts a flying crossbody!

LM: Which connects! Josh Veyna stumbles backward and falls.

GR: Referee’s in position! One! Two! Kick out!

LM: Maria’s tough! She backs into a corner and crouches, eyeing him like a hawk waiting to pounce.

GR: Veyna slowly gets to his feet and Maria’s off, running towards him full speed ahead. A leap into the air and viola! Nails him with a knee lift.

LM: He’s trying to keep his balance. Follow through, Ms. Pascua, follow through!

GR: It’s ‘Officer’ Pascua to you, Lee!

LM: Whatever.

GR: Dropkick from behind, driving him chest first into the turnbuckle, and he stumbles back. Yikes! He trips over her and now she’s got his shoulders onto the mat.

LM: 1…..2….. Kick-out!

GR: Wow! Both athletes giving it their all!

LM: Notice how Maria doesn’t pull him to his feet. In my opinion, that’s very good strategy. You never know what kind of surprises a bigger opponent might pull.

GR: He’s on his knees now, and again! Pascua charges towards him!

LM: Will she go for another knee lift? No! She nails him with an enziguri kick to the side of his head!

GR: And he’s still on his knees!

LM: She’s sizing him up, and charging towards him again, going for another enziguri kick

GR: She misses, and lands on the mat. Hope she didn’t twist her ankle!

LM: Veyna gets to his feet and delivers a stomp to her gut.

GR: He’s back in the game! Wow! Don’t you just love it. Such a small woman giving this big man a run for his money!

LM: He’s pulling her to her feet and backing her up towards the ropes……

GR: What’s he gonna do!?

LM: Irish whip to the opposite side, followed by a beauty of a crooked arm lariat!

GR: Josh Veyna runs towards the ropes, bounces off, and… Nobody home!

LM: Referee’s counting now. What amazing athletes, these two!

GR: I couldn’t agree more, Lee. Look! They’re both on their feet and she slowly approaches him from behind and grabs his foot.

LM: Big mistake right there, cause now he connects with an enziguri kick of his own to the side of her head.

GR: No! He turns her over to her back and 1….2……3!

(Bell rings)

ANNOUNCER: Here is your winner, Josh Mark Veyna!

GR: There you have it, wrestling fans. The tough thug wins. Don’t go away, we have more action, coming up!