CELEBRITY WAR GAMES

BY DARK CLOUD

With the arena filled with military style music and the run down of the card complete the contestants in the opening attraction begin to be introduced. First up is a tag team from TV comedy ”How I Met Your Mother” – Alyson Hannigan and the debuting Cobie Smulders. Of course last we saw Alyson she had been buried in a shallow grave by Eliza Dushku as a way of getting at and upsetting then World Champion, Sarah Michelle Gellar. It had worked with SMG dropping her title and headed into a big stipulation match with Eliza later this evening. Alyson, however, wants nothing to do with that increasingly violent feud and hasn’t spoken of her ordeal at Eliza’s hands and is keen to get on with her career by throwing herself into this new tag team.

Alyson is clad in shiny PVC red shorts and matching bra top while Cobie is dressed exactly the same but in shiny black as they come to the ring. The crowd doesn’t particularly cheer them but they’re not exactly heels either so they enter the ring to a respectful applause. However, that noise cranks up a level as their opponents step through the curtain and pose atop the entrance ramp. Big Bang Theory babes, Melissa Rauch and making her comeback from a broken leg, Kaley Cuoco get a huge ovation (mostly for Kaley who is a real fans favourite, especially after the way Jennifer Aniston has been making her life a real hell in recent months). Both blondes are in glittering silver two piece bikinis and despite the difference in their height (Melissa is really short while Kaley is tall) they look to make a pretty good combination.

With the bell rung and partners in respective corners Cobie establishes her credentials right away by reaching towards Melissa to shake her hand and as the blonde reciprocates Cobie instead hammers a kick right up into the blondes gut, eliciting a chorus of disapproval from the crowd. Cobie smirks at their reaction before powering her knee into Melissa’s gut, backing her into the ropes and Irish whipping to the opposite ones. Melissa’s a rough little bitch though and as she hits the ropes she propels herself forward and ducks then nails the waiting brunette with a crushing spear that doubles her up! Then Melissa demonstrates her noted short fuse by straddling Cobie and launching a flurry of open handed slaps which just overwhelm the Canadian actress until desperately she manages to kick the little fireplug off and scrambles on hands and knees to her corner to tag in a wary Alyson.

Melissa stands up and faces off with her new foe until Alyson points at Kaley on the apron and mimics breaking her leg and impersonates a chicken indicating she thinks Kaley’s scared to get back in the ring after her injury. That gets Kaley annoyed and she shouts to her partner and demands the tag but when Melisa turns to make it Alyson runs in and chop blocks the short blonde before dragging her away from and outraged Kaley. Alyson drops a knee to the side of Melissa’s skull before rubbing and pushing her forearm right into Melissa’s face. She then turns her over and uses a grip on her hair to rub her face hard into the canvas. Spotting Kaley with a leg through the ropes desperate for the tag Alyson points that out to the ref and with his back turned takes the opportunity to bury a punt between Melissa’s thighs from behind!

The crowd is outraged by that but Alyson couldn’t care less and smiles as she tags Cobie back into the action. And Cobie enjoys getting a bit of revenge for her humiliating start to the match. First she drops a knee right into Melissa’s spine before untying her bra and tugging it off releasing Melissa’s tits before then sitting on her back, cupping her hands under Melissa’s chin and hauling back in a camel clutch type manoeuvre.

For nearly a minute they strain like that in the middle of the ring, Melissa’s pretty face grimacing while her tits swing beneath her. Somehow she eventually finds the strength to get her knees under her and on the mat and slowly powers her way up, pushing Cobie further and further back until she is nearly free at which time Cobie rakes her long nails right across Melissa’s face and stops the momentum dead. Kaley complains but can’t stop Cobie dragging Melissa up and slamming her down on the mat and tagging Alyson back into the fray. Alyson lands a series of punches and uppercuts to Melissa’s boobs, backing her up until she’s right in a neutral corner, then the red head backs up and goes to launch a flying clothesline onto her but Melissa falls out of the way and lets Alyson crash land. The crowd get behind the diminutive blonde as she crawls her way towards Kaley’s desperate, outstretched hand and she’s nearly made it when Cobie enters the ring, runs across and nails’ Kaley with a clothesline herself sending the tall blonde flying off the apron to crash on the floor. The referee is mad at Cobie and ushers her back to her corner but the damage has been done and by the time Kaley has pulled herself back to the apron Alyson has recovered, dropped an elbow to Melissa’s back and dragged her by her ankles back to the neutral corner and tagged Cobie back into the fight.

The athletic brunette lifts the petite blonde up by her hair, grabs her hand into her throat, chokes her briefly before lifting her up and dropping her in a thunderous chokeslam that would have got a three count if Melissa hadn’t found the sense to drape her leg over the bottom rope beside her. Kaley is clearly frustrated and itching to get into the action, her big comeback might just end in defeat and not actually getting in the ring! The chances of that only increase as Cobie bodyslams Melissa in centre ring, stomps her then tags in Alyson who nips to the top turnbuckle and nails a high elbow right across her opponent’s throat for a very near count again. The kick out frustrates Alyson and as she bitches to the ref, Melissa somehow acts and snags her in a fast small package and nearly steals the win herself. Annoyed, Alyson backs Melissa into a corner and fires in more punches to her tits before climbing on her onto the middle rope, standing over her and just as she prepares to nails the blonde with her fist Melissa hooks her arms around Alyson, lifts her up and staggers across the ring and dumps Alyson with a powerbomb in centre ring!

The crowd are right behind the Big Bang babes and are making a lot of noise as Melissa crawls toward Kaley’s outstretched hand and finally makes a little leap and slaps her palm to make the hot tag. The crowd erupts and Kaley vaults over the top rope for her first in ring action since Jennifer Aniston broke her leg. Alyson has just staggered to her feet only to be met with a crunching clothesline that flips her through a 180 degree cycle and slams her to the mat. Then Kaley reaches over the ropes grabs Cobie by the hair and flips her into the ring only to pick her up by the hair and propel her at speed through the ropes and hard to the floor. By which time Alyson was pulling herself groggily to her feet via the ropes and Kaley nailed her with a high dropkick that sent the ginger bitch sprawling through the ropes too.

Kaley accepted the crowds loud appreciation for this show, and allowed Cobie to crawl over to Alyson before she bounced off the opposing ropes and ran across the ring before diving through the rope sand nailing both opponents with a wild dive that flattened them all!

Once she’d recovered Kaley rolled Alyson back into the ring and made to follow but Cobie grabbed her ankle and slowed her progress allowing Alyson to make her feet first in the ring and as Kaley shook herself free catching her with a knee to the gut. This reversal encouraged Alyson and she spared a glance at a recovering Melissa only to turn around and be hit with a sudden superkick from Kaley that connected flush on her jaw and knocked her spark out!

A three count followed in swift order before Cobie could react and your winners, in 8:41 are KALEY CUOCO and MELISSA RAUCH.

As could be imagined Kaley is delighted with her return and in the time she spent in the ring looked very sharp and the two blondes share a hug and exit the arena to the cheers of the crowd.

*

To the outside broadcast now where Carmen Electra is clad in a fur coat and shivering as she stands outside a graveyard. As she is given her mark she swings the large metal gate open and the camera follows her inside as she speaks.

“We’re here in the local Cemetary where two of the Federations foremost talents will do deadly battle later tonight. Former World Heavyweight Champion, Sarah Michelle Gellar and her nemesis Eliza Dushku will battle in a no holds barred fight right her in this very graveyard, where the only rule will be to get your opponent into this open casket (Carmen has reached an open metal coffin with lid open), to slam it shut and lock it, then push it into this six foot deep grave dug beside it. Once it’s in the hole in the ground the match will be over and these guys (she points to three surly looking guys with shovels) will totally fill it in leaving the loser to spend a full 24 hours trapped in the casket before she will be dug out. Now there will be air pumped into the casket so the loser will be able to breathe but folks that is it, they will be stuck down there, in the darkness with no concept of time and with no hope of escape and of course if they need to go to thetoilet well they’ll just have to do it there and then, won’t they”

All the time she speaks Carmen walks in the dark, foreboding graveyard, past headstones and memorials and it is just the kind of place you would not want to be in on a dark, cold evening.

*

Back to the arena and Sofia Vergara is striding purposefully towards the ring wearing a low cut red bikini that amply displays her cleavage. She’s confident after defeating her Modern Family rival Julie Bowen at the last PPV and looking forward to taking Jennifer Lopez down from her smug, cocky pedestal. She makes a show of her assets as she squeezes between the ropes and is announced before a disco beat hits and the other Latino lovely in this match appears. Miss Lopez looks quite stunning in a white and silver one piece bikini that is missing a back and reveals as much of her most famous asset (her ass) as imaginable. She struts to the ring looking supremely confident.

Both lovelies know that this is likely to be a humiliating night for one of them given their respective finishers, both smother moves. Vergara’s breast smother versus Lopez’s ass smother. The build up to this match after their confrontation before Jennifer’s debut match last month has been sprinkled with some pretty barbed verbals from each other about their appearance and age. Jennifer claiming Sofia was fat while Sofia called J-Lo old. Now with the bell rang and each facing the other in the ring the fake war can end and the real one begin.

They fly at each other with no real control, wildcats grabbing at the others inviting, long hair, pulling, clawing and tumbling to the mat and catfighting like two back alley brawlers. Of course the fans love that and scream their encouragement, particularly to Sofia who after downing one stuck up bitch in Julie Bowen, is now after an even more up herself bitch. In the wild struggle Sofia seems to be on top and gleefully rubs her huge breasts in her foes disgusted face, taunting her as she does so. Jennifer finally manages to dislodge Sofia and kicks her away and scrambles to her feet wiping the back of her hand across her face and scowling. They came together again but this time J-Lo lifted her knee right into Sofia’s gut and stopped her dead. A series of knees to the Colombian’s face followed, backing her into a corner where she unleashed a series of knife edge chops that echoed throughout the arena. Sofia winced at their impact until when the tenth hit she slid in the corner to her shapely ass.

This made Jennifer smile and she pulled up the crotch of her own costume and backed her ass up for a stinkface type manoeuvre in the corner, she managed to rub her ass across Sofia’s features just the once before Sofia scrambled under the ropes and to the outside. Jenny didn’t mind though and stood in the ring and mocked her angry opponent, right up until she had goaded Sofia to slide back into the ring, whereupon she began to stamp the holy hell out of her before she could regain her feet. Lopez’s smile turned to an angry snarl as she pounded away before dropping her knee right onto the back of Sofia’s neck to take control of things. She pulled her foe up to her knees, stood behind her and locked in a tight rear naked choke in the middle of the ring. This she held for a minute while Sofia struggled before Jenny then kept one arm tightly in the choke and used the other to snake around Sofia, burrow inside her bra top and clearly pinch Sofia’s right nipple!

The Colombian beauty shrieked as Jenny’s fingers twisted, squeezed and tugged all at once and as she howled her agony she only stopped to sink her teeth into Jennifer’s arm and bite it hard causing Lopez to squeal and release her holds too.

They were not apart for long, Jennifer pouncing on a kneeling, recovering Sofia to drive a knee to the side of her face to knock her down on her back and then attempt to position that deadly ass over the Colombian’s face. Sofia saw it coming though and managed to lift her legs up and hook J-Lo’s arms and roll her over into a pinning position and gain a two count out of nowhere before Jenny powerfully kicked out. She was taken aback though and backed off as Sofia powered up to her own feet to face her opponent. This time they came together much more cautiously, in a collar and elbow tie up that saw them struggle on their feet for dominance until, as she was losing the battle, Jennifer raked her claws across her opponent’s eyes. But fighting equally dirty Sofia drove her foot up between J-Lo’s thighs and into her crotch and as she was doubled over Sofia grabbed jenny by the hair and pulled her face forward and right into the soft magnificence of her cleavage.

It took Lopez a moment to realise what was happening and by then it was too late she had a faceful of boob flesh and two hands on the back of her head pressing it in even deeper. She slapped hard on Sofia’s sides and ass but to no avail as the Colombian pressed in harder and Jennifer could slowly feel her air being cut off. Desperation was starting to hit now and Jenny continued to strike at Sofia but did little damage and was in danger of fading completely when she shifted her head slightly, got a whiff of air and her mouth brushed Sofia’s injured right nipple. From there she managed to open her mouth and bite down hard and from the way Sofia shrieked and released her death grip it seemed to have the desired effect.

Catching her breath Jenny watched as Sofia cupped her injured boob before running at her foe only for Jenny to find the wherewithal to spring up herself and nail Sofia’s midriff with a jarring spear. What an impact! The ring shook as Sofia was planted in the canvas and Jennifer Lopez now looks like she knows she’s in control and lifts a groggy Sofia Vergara up by her long hair before dropping her with vicious DDT that spikes the Colombian’s head into the canvas. On a roll now J-Lo pulls her opponents head between her strong thighs, pauses for a moment then lifts her up so she’s hanging upside down before jumping up to drive Sofia’s head down again in a devastating piledriver.

As Sofia twitched on the mat, looking all But out of it Jenny got up and began adjusting her bikini around her ass to reveal even more ass flesh but then stopped and mock wagged her finger at her lifeless foe before picking her up and lifting her up and dropping her with a delayed brainbuster, then nipping up and this time when she picked Sofia up she positioned her for a Tombstone piledriver which she hit with a shit eating grin on her face. Sofia lay motionless beneath her. And this time when she adjusted her bottoms it was no tease. She stood over her foe for a moment, then leaned down to bend Sofia’s arms behind her back then perfectly positioning herself before lowering her ass right over Sofia’s face.

Jennifer’s knees slid down Sofia’s torso to hold her arms in check and her finishing smother was in full effect, even if the Colombian wanted to tap out she was in no position to. Lopez grinned as she pressed her ass down, enveloping Sofia’s nose and mouth, cutting off her air supply. She got a shiver of excitement as she felt Sofia stir a little beneath her, struggle for a moment then it was over, she was out. Jennifer sat there for a full minute more as the referee tried to check on her opponent and when she finally did rise it was a formality to lift Sofia’s arm three time and let it drop limply three times to the canvas.

Your winner in 7:32 is JENNIFER LOPEZ. But J-Lo is not done with her opponent yet as walking down the ramp comes blonde Julie Bowen, wearing a sky blue bikini and sporting a large strap on dildo around her crotch. Julie slides into the ring and high fives Jennifer (much to Jennifer’s amusement) before rolling Sofia over and slapping a pair of handcuffs on the busty actresses wrist behind her back. Then across the ring Jennifer Lopez leans over the ropes and reaches back to open her ass cheeks nice and wide while Julie slaps Sofia back to consciousness before dragging her by her hair across the ring to rub and grind Sofia’s face right on Jennifer Lopez’s arsehole!

After a minute of that Julie relents and forces Sofia onto her front on the mat, pulls her panties to one side and proceeds to slam her dildo into the Colombian’s arsehole and arse rapes her mid ring. Gaining a measure of revenge for her defeat at the previous PPV. Lopez meanwhile has exited the ring, picked up a folding chair and returns to the ring, watches Bowen’s sexual assault on Vergara for a while before swinging the chair and smashing it on Julie’s Bowen’s skull, knocking her out, leaving the dildo still buried in a groggy Sofia’s arse.

“No one steals my spotlight ladies, No. one!” announces Miss Lopez as she holds the chair aloft to a chorus of boos, before she leaves the arena.

*

From there, it’s back to the locker room with Lindsay Lohan pushing open the door and bursting in on Miley Cyrus and Britney Spears full on making out on a bench. Sitting beside each other they are snogging with tongues in action while groping each other’s bodies quite blatantly. The entrance of interviewer and accompanying camera doesn’t stop them either. Finally their lips part with Miley trashily wiping away a trail of saliva on the back of her hand as Lindsay asks them a question.

“Miley? Britney? Your first chance at a title here in the Federation, how are you feeling about it?”

Miley seems to be Team Trailer Trash’s spokesman as she grabs the mic and slurs into it.

“Y’know Lindsay, after we win those belts me and Brit gonna have ourselves a celebration back here in the showers, an you’re welcome to join in, hear you swing that way anyway babe. Be some champers for you anyway.”

“Err great, so you’re pretty confident, the Champions have been on a bit of a roll of late and are an intimidating duo.”

“Ha, if those old dykes wanna try their games on me then I’ll just lick it up. Those bitches could not freak me out no matter what they do. No, way I see it is them belts are coming home with us and those two lipstick lesbians will get a taste of their own medicine. Now unless you wanna join us here for some three way action then git outta here..”

Lindsay looks at them, then the camera before dropping the mic and joining them in a three way snog as the dressing room door closes and the screen fades to black.

*

The next scene is equally dark as we are back in the nearby graveyard and Eliza Dushku is striding through the big, steel gates and she stands just forward of where the waiting coffin stands. There are a few camera men, a referee and Carmen Electra looking on and none of them will get involved other than for the ref to officially announce the winner. Other than stuffing your opponent in the casket and dropping it into the waiting grave this is a no holds barred affair and as such a viewer discretionary advice notice comes on screen as Sarah Michelle Gellar appears at the gates and enters with the ref locking and padlocking it behind her.

In this eerie, silent atmosphere Eliza is wearing jeans, a black jumper and dark boots while Sarah wears tight jeans, a white jumper and dark boots. Both look serious as hell, they hate each other and both know the horrible fate that awaits the loser of this battle (and arguably their war, because how could either of them come back from this loss?).

After a brief stare down, they charge at each other and swap punches, chops and slaps before Sarah manages to trip Eliza and she drops hard to the ground, Eliza scrabbles onto her front but that just allows the former Champion of the World to grab her dark hair and rub it mercilessly into the edge of the pile of dirt by the open grave. Eliza tries to get free but Sarah just keeps on the pressure and rubs her face as hard as she can until she stops of her own accord, gets up and drags her opponent up by her messed up hair, hooks her arm over Eliza’s shoulders and makes to deliver a suplex that would see Eliza land right in the open grave hole!

Thankfully for her Eliza hooks Sarah’s leg and blocks that move and manages to deliver a take down of her own, hip tossing her blonde foe over and onto her back, whereupon Eliza delivers a hard kick to Sarah’s ribs and As Sarah rolls over she gets another kick to the ribs that physically lifts her up off the ground before landing face down in the dirt. Sarah tries crawling away but Eliza easily catches her, stomps her then picks her up and holds her in position for a DDT right on top of a fallen headstone!

Realising her peril, Sarah dug her heels in and shoved forward, driving her shoulder into Eliza’s gut then ran forward, pushing her foe with her until Eliza’s back smacked hard into the metal bars of the old fence that borders the small cemetery. Eliza took the brunt of that and grunted as she released her hold on Sarah’s head and felt at her own injured back. Sarah meantime, reared back and to the side and began to deliver s series of her trademark hard kicks. Two rapid fire kicks to Eliza’s gut, then one to her head before SMG showed amazing flexibility to press the sole of her boot under Eliza’s chin and push up and back against the unforgiving metal bars. Sarah kept the pressure on, gritting her teeth with the effort. Eliza broke it though pretty cheaply, balling her hand into a fist and taking advantage of Sarah’s position to jam a punch right into her exposed crotch. Sarah opened her mouth wide, and moved to drop her leg but Eliza caught it and neatly tripped the other, dropping Sarah hard on her back on the grass before grabbing her other ankle, spreading her legs wide and stamping down authoratively with the heel of her boot. Then she dragged an anguished Sarah across the grass towards a metal sign pole, pulled her legs either side of it before forcefully using it to crotch Sarah six vicious times!

From there it was easy for Eliza to lift Sarah up, slap her around some while pulling her towards the open grave before lifting her up and then dropping her, crotching her right on top of a thin, high gravestone! While Sarah sat there in panful discomfort, Eliza backed off then ran at her and knocked her off her perch with a running clothesline that sent the blonde sprawling in the dirt beside the grave. Miss Dusku easily plucked Sarah up and dragged her over to the open casket and bashed her head against it before trying to push her up and into it, with little success.

This was turning into a long struggle by the side of the coffin, during which Sarah was able to recover somewhat and even gained the upper hand with a stamp right on Eliza’s foot followed up by a spinning roundhouse kick that sent Eliza flailing away from her. When Sarah looked up she was furious and she deliberately pulled off her leather belt from around her jeans and wrapped it around her right fist. And once Eliza had looked up she caught a belt wrapped fist right to her chin that sent her flying! Sarah was on her again, straddling her and getting her licks in, pounding her fist down again and again on Eliza’s forehead, busting her open above her left eye. That just acted as a spur to Sarah though and she hammered in more punches until the whole of the left side of Eliza’s face was crimson with her blood.

Finally Sarah relented but only to undo the belt and instead loop it over Eliza’s head and choke her with it! The brunette tried to pry it free but it was on too tight and her face slowly began to change colour as the breath was squeezed violently from her. Desperately Eliza gathered a handful of earth and flung it into Sarah’s face, making her loosen her hold and allowing Eliza to try and scramble free. She didn’t get far, Sarah clearing her vision and stamping down on the disappearing end of the belt cum leash, bringing Eliza’s escape to a sudden halt. Sarah laughed as she dragged Eliza across the path that bisected the cemetery towards a large tree like a pet dog. Then she lifted Eliza up and flipped the end of the belt over a low, thick branch, stood back and tugged on her end with all her might. Suddenly Eliza jerked up, onto tiptoes and then for a moment off them and hanging in the air as Sarah hung her. Boy was this showing how extreme this match was!

Both women strained as hard as they could, Sarah to pull on the belt and Eliza to lessen the pressure on her throat when the branch snapped with a loud crack and Eliza fell down suddenly and backwards, landing on Sarah and sending the blonde on her back hard, smacking her head on the ground beneath her. They both lie still for a moment until Eliza manages to tug the belt from her neck and noisily gasp in big mouthfuls of air. Sarah, meantime has barely moved and it looks like the fall has really rung her bell. In fact not only can Eliza recover before Sarah has moved but the brunette actually strips Sarah’s clothes all off, leaving her stark naked before she even begins to stir. Only when Eliza pulls Sarah up can we see the stone under her head she must have cracked her skull on.

Eliza shoves Sarah at a headstone and bends her over it before taking the self same belt she was choked so hard by and using it to whip the holy hell out of SMG’s perfect creamy skin on her back and ass. Eliza is in a fury and just doesn’t let up lashing the belt harder and harder as ugly ,deep, red welts appear on Sarah’s skin. Then when Eliza’s arm is tired she hooks Sarah’s head, drags her back to the horizontal headstone and this time nails the perfect DDT right on the granite surface. As Eliza picks herself up Sarah lies there on the gravestone perfectly still. There’s a deranged smile on the brunette’s lips as she picks Sarah up by her hair and positions her so she’s kneeling on the stone then she gives a scream and rushes forward to deliver a devastating punt right between the former champion’s legs. Before Sarah can topple forward Eliza catches her then pulls her up into a position with her head trapped between her thighs before dropping her down with a Pedigree type manoeuvre that smashes Sarah’s face right into the stone.

Eliza stands over her for a moment and cries out in victory, posing with her arms outstretched like a crucifix before she drags a completely unconscious Sarah Michelle Gellar over towards the open casket. She lifts her up and drag / dumps her into the open coffin and takes the time to spit on Sarah’s face before slamming the lid shut. She then snaps a couple of locks on the side before pushing it down the metal slide and the coffin drops into the open grave.

Ominously a church bell rings to signal the end of the fight and the gravediggers move in to quickly shovel the mound of earth on top of Sarah Michelle Gellar’s grave.

Your winner in 9:23 is ELIZA DUSHKU. As she drops to her knees and laughs hysterically as the grave is filled in the screen changes to the night vision camera inside the coffin and in the green light we watch for a few seconds as Sarah slowly comes round and then watch her eyes bulge as she realises her fate for the next 24 hours then emits a blood curdling, terrified scream!

*

The screen comes back up on a stunned arena that have watched the graveyard action on the giant screens, nobody can quite believe the extreme lengths Eliza went to secure her revenge, but now it’s time to move on with the card. Before the next match though we go backstage where Ariel Winter, Sarah Hyland’s on screen little sister in Modern Family is speaking animatedly to interviewer Lindsay Lohan.

“So, um Ariel, have you spoken to Sarah since she lost last month and had to endure that ordeal as per the stipulations of her title challenge?”

The cute brunette pushes her glasses up her nose before answering.

“Yes I have spoken with Sarah and she’s doing OK. And she’ll be back before too long but right now I’m here to serve notice that that English bitch Emma Watson is going to get what’s coming to her and when she does it’s……aaaargh!!!”

She had broken off because someone had grabbed her hair from behind and hauled it up so she had to stand on tip toes. The camera panned back to reveal Elizabeth Hurley as her assailant and Keira Knightley, Victoria Beckham and finally Junior Heavyweight champ, Emma Watson surrounding her. When she spoke Emma’s voice dripped with taunting mockery as she squeezed Ariel’s mouth with her hand.

“Tsk. TSk Little girls shouldn’t speak about their elders and betters like that. Should they? I mean I am really going to have to show you dumb American bimbos what happens when you are rude over and over, amn’t I?”

As Ariel tried to answer Emma sharply brought her knee up between her thighs and, With Elizabeth holding her up by the hair proceeded to do it three more times until the young brunette was finally released and dropped limply to her knees crying as the English contingent laughed and walked off.

*

Back at the ring and another American bimbo is making her entrance for her debut and a shot at Emma’s title, Selena Gomez is clad in a tiny, two piece silver bikini and gets a rapturous reaction as she skips down to the ring upon her introduction. The young brunette looks excited for her debut. Her face changes though when the British national anthem fills the arena and Emma Watson emerges holding her title aloft and wearing a Union Jack two piece bikini. She’s flanked by Keira Knightley and Victoria Beckham with leader Elizabeth Hurley a couple of steps behind. As they slowly descend the ramp they sneer and scowl at the crowd and the young American awaiting them.

After the ring introductions both young women come together and lock up and jockey for an advantage for a short while before Selena neatly arm drags Emma over onto her back, holding on and wrenching on an arm bar quite impressively. Emma was no slouch athletically either though as she proved by twisting herself round and hand springing back to vertical , easily removing her arm from her challenger’s grasp before attempting a knife edge chop. But Selena caught her wrist and in a flash leapt up, wrapped her legs around Emma’s arm and took her down and into an cross armbreaker in centre ring!

That certainly got Emma squealing and scrambling like the cowardly bitch she was. Her free arm and legs stretched to find the ropes and after some wriggling she was relieved to reach them and have the referee break the hold. Emma got to her feet scowling at her challenger while Selena seemed implacable. That is until Victoria Beckham reached under the ropes and made a grab for her ankle, this distraction allowed Emma to charge her opponent and shove her into a corner and nail her in the gut with a series of knees to the gut. She then mounted the middle turnbuckle with her feet and stood with her crotch right in Selena’s face, grabbed her head then pounded down a series of hard fists into the brunette’s forehead. Finally, she grabbed her hair and jumped backward, pulling Selena with her and slamming her face first into the canvas!

Now we get to see Emma’s vicious, nasty side as she stands over the fallen Selena and stamps the hell out of her, all over her head and body. Then she drops to her knees and mounts Selena, grabs her long, dark hair and holds her head up only to deliver a barrage of hard punches that knock Miss Gomez dizzy. When the English girl finally relents she holds Selena’s face in her hand and shoves it at the nearest camera and we can see the bruising and swelling already starting to show. Emma sneers then shoves Selena’s face into the mat and proceeds to rub it fiercely into it, rubbing it hard back and forth while she grins at the furious crowd. But that treatment brings Selena round somewhat so that she realises that when Emma finishes and hauls her up by the hair then traps her head between her thighs that she’s setting up for either a powerbomb or a piledriver. The supremely cocky Miss Watson even takes the time to walk her fingers down Selena’s back before hooking them into Selena’s panties and pulling them into a painful, tight wedgie.

Just as she does that though Selena powers her thighs forward and drives Emma back first into a corner, winding her before Selena pulls back and drives her shoulder into her gut three more times. Sweeping her hair out of her face Selena then grabs Emma’s head and leaps up to bounce off the ropes and nail a spinning Tornado DDT that gets her the first two count of the contest. Taking the initiative the former Disney superstar lifted up her foe and whipped her into the ropes and nailed her with a beautiful dropkick that again gained her another two count. Seeking to repeat this Selena whips Emma to the ropes once again and the English actress just manages to hook them and stop herself returning for the kick. Seeing this Selena charges at her but Emma ducks her head and backdrops Miss Gomez out and over the top rope for a hard landing on the floor.

On the other side of the ring, at a signal from Elizabeth Hurley, Victoria Beckham jumps up to the apron and berates the referee for some unseen indiscretion. The ref moves over to argue and get her down and this allows Keira Knightley to move in on the other side, pick up Selena Gomez before dropping her with a DDT on the concrete floor. Oh that was a stiff move and Selena’s not moving as Emma makes her way out between the ropes and picks her up to toss her back into the ring. She has to lift Selena up and hook her arms in a double underhook before leaping up and spiking Selena’s skull down and into the mat. From there Emma lazily rolls her opponent over and lies against her for the easiest of three counts.

The winner in 6:51, and still JUNIOR HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION is EMMA WATSON.

With the bell still ringing Hurley, Knightley and Beckham all slide under the ropes and into the ring and together with Emma Watson they stand over the unmoving body of Selena Gomez and proceed to stomp the hell out of her before tearing off her bikini to leave her stark naked in centre ring. As Emma stoops to shove Selena’s panties into her gasping mouth, Elizabeth Hurley snaps her fingers and a figure appears on the stage and teeters down the ramp on impossibly high heels. It’s buxom, British bimbo Kelly Brook dressed in a tight, cleavage displaying fetish maid’s outfit and carrying a tray with champagne and glasses on it. The dumb brunette somehow makes her way into the ring and stands there while the other four take a sip of champagne before pouring their glasses out over poor Selena. Then Elizabeth Hurley takes the microphone.

“This is what happens to any of you stupid Americans that dare to get in the ring with your superiors. You will be taught a very expensive lesson. Ladies, show them!”

At that they pluck up Selena and drape her in the ropes and take turns battering her with punches and kicks as she just hangs on the ropes by her arms. And then storming down the ramp come the challengers for the tag team championships (which is the next match up), Miley Cyrus and Britney Spears. Both have cans of beers in their hands and launching them into the ring, hitting both Elizabeth and Emma and soaking them with beer. Miley and Britney are in matching white vests and denim cut off shorts and they grab a chair apiece before sliding into the ring and chasing the English contingent out of the ring (causing Kelly to stumble and fall and drop her tray with the bottle to the floor in the chaos).

Elizabeth and her crew are fuming but decide they don’t fancy taking on two mad, trailer park whores armed with steel chair and slowly back up the ramp while issuing threats and warnings while Selena is eased off the ropes and helped from the ring by the dirty blondes.

And then the Champs music hits, and Angelina Jolie and Megan Fox emerge from the curtain and glare at the departing English contingent before slowly, seductively making their way down the ramp. They are clad in red PVC shorts and bra tops and are really vamping it up as they slink to ringside with their belts around their delectable waists. Angelina stoops to pick up the discarded Champagne bottle and suggestively places it between her lips and sucks on the neck before pouring the liquid down her chest and cleavage and allowing her younger partner to shove her face in to lick it up!

While that display is underway the blonde challengers bounce off the far ropes then run and dive through the near ropes and nail the champions with death defying dives that send all four sprawling on the outside.

The challengers then toss the Champs into the ring, roll in after them and that match is underway as the bell rings with all four slugging it out wildly in the ring. Miley was really taking advantage of the fast start to go after Angelina, she had backed her into a corner and was lashing in knife edge chop after knife edge chop on her soaking chest. Britney was not so dominant with Megan though and they were exchanging punches in the other corner until Megan deliberately drove her foot up into the blonde’s crotch and dropped her to her knees. She could have gone over to help Angelina at that point and visibly considered it but smiled and deliberately wrapped her own thighs around Miss Spears face and fell over into a tight looking headscissors that immediately has Britney in bother. As the blonde struggled towards the ropes she manages to go under them and both she and Megan took a hard drop to the floor, so with two combatants in the ring the referee decided to ring the bell and get things started officially.

Miley was fully in control and after a few more chops harshly Irish whipped Angelina from one corner to the opposite one, the brunette’s spine slamming into the turnbuckles. The blonde then gave a crotch chop before running in and nailing her opponent with a hard clothesline that she smartly then turns into a bulldog headlock that slams Angelina’s classical features into the canvas.

Outside the ring Megan and Britney have crawled back and up to their respective corners and are recovering while watching as Miley unclips Angelina’s bra top and tosses it out of the ring before sitting on her back and hauling her up by the hair and then slipping her hands under her chin to wrench on a Camel Clutch that bends Jolie’s spine viciously whilst exposing her perfect breasts.

For once it’s Megan Fox’s turn to look disinterested as her partner suffers and she smirks at Angelina’s pain whilst holding out her hand to encourage her to try and make a tag. That mockery seems to galvanise Jolie though and she struggles to get her legs properly under her and slowly powers her way to her feet with Miley still hanging on behind her. Angelina takes the time to flip a middle fingered salute at Megan before reversing full speed into a neutral corner, squashing Miley behind her in the process. A couple of back elbows to the ribs finally removed Miss Cyrus’s grasping hands and Angelina pulled herself from the corner and decided to tag in her cocky partner.

Megan stalked into the ring and over to Miley and fired in a series of brutal martial arts kicks to her thighs and mid section before grabbing her hair and rubbing her face right along the top rope. As Miley recoiled from that Megan reached her hand between her legs from behind and openly groped and rubbed at the younger blonde’s crotch!

Shocked Miley swung her elbow around at Megan’s face but missed and ended up facing the brunette who treated her to a long kiss right on the lips before hoisting the blond up and over to slam her into the mat with a belly-to-belly suplex that garnered the bout’s first two count. Megan smirked and hooked her fingers into the waistband of Miley’s cut offs and pulled them and her tiny white panties off to bare her shaven pussy. Then with a wicked look on her face Megan stuck her middle finger in her own mouth, sucked on it and then slid it right into Miley in the centre of the ring!

Miley’s eyes went wide and she lifted her leg and drove it back down catching her assailant full in the face and sending her sprawling away from her, allowing Miley to scramble across the ring and tag in a fresh Britney Spears. And Britney was not a happy camper at all. With Megan Fox still on her knees and feeling her face Britney ran across the ring and kicked a field goal punt right into her exposed ribs. That sent Megan rolling onto her back but that just left her open for the blonde to stomp the hell out of her gut, finishing by pulling her legs apart at the ankle and dropping her full weight down with a knee right between her legs. Britney held her knee there and reached forward to slap Megan’s anguished face and give her a volley of verbal abuse, her Southern accent and attitude to the fore. Finished with that she dragged Megan up by her hair and hoisted her up in a delayed suplex, looking straight at Angelina before dropping her on her head and getting an ultra close two count.

An animated Miley Cyrus was back to her feet in their corner and slapping the corner with her palm to get her partner’s attention, Britney saw her then saw her lift her foot up and grabbed Megan and ran her over and threw her head into Miley’s foot and tagged in her partner. Miley vaulted over the top rope and laid down a closed fist beating on Megan as she lay on the mat, then dragged her up and whipped her into the corner and followed up with a splash onto her in the corner before climbing to the second rope and standing over Megan and raining down punch after punch to the brunette to the delight of the crowd. Then Miley jumped up and landed on Megan’s shoulder in preparation for hitting a hurancanrana, but Megan grabbed the ropes and stood still and to the shock over everyone, with Miley’s crotch in front of her face leaned in and licked it then bit it!

Miley squealed but she was hanging upside down my her clit and could do little until Megan released her bite to grab Miley’s body and ran across the ring to drop her with a running powerbomb, right in front of an aloof Angelina. Fox reached up and tagged her partner in and Angelina set to work paying back Miley for that choptastic start to the bout. She lifted the short haired blonde up by her hair then slammed her hand around her throat , held her up for a moment before smashing her down in a brutal chokeslam. Followed by a second one before she lifted Miley by her short hair again and then Military pressed her over her head before dropping her out over the top rope to plunge face first down to the unforgiving concrete floor.

Megan dropped down and rolled the challenger back into the ring so that Angelina could have some more fun with her and she Irish whipped her to the rope sand then bent over to deliver a back body drop. Somehow Miley had the presence of mind to hook the ropes and desperately lunged out to tag in Britney. Angelina saw this coming though and as soon as the tag was made she ran over and nailed a big foot right into Miss Spears face and shoulderblocked Miley so she crashed to the floor once again

Megan Fox dropped off the apron and stalked around the ring to nail an unsuspecting Miley with a double axe handle from behind before lifting her up, dragging her up to the ring apron then leaping off with a Rock Bottom slam from the apron, smashing Miley Cyrus through the opposite announcers desk! The desk exploded and as Megan rose the blonde just lay lifeless at her feet as she regained her corner to accept a tag from Angelina, who as this had been happening had Britney in a debilitating head scissors right in the centre of the ring.

Megan slid into the ring after the tag and waited until Britney was nearly to her feet before nailing her with a knee lift right in her gut, then wrapping her legs around the buxom blonde from behind, reaching her arms around her and first fondling them scratching at her tits before grabbing her nipples and twisting them for all she was worth. Britney squealed but somehow didn’t quit for a near minute of this punishment before Megan released the hold and lifted a dazed Britney up and dropping her hard with a reverse DDT, slamming the back of her skull into the mat.

Britney was out on her feet and with Miley lying in the wreckage of the commentators table at ringside she was just about finished. Megan punched her in the gut to double her over then tagged in Angelina who stepped through the ropes and then sat on the corner turnbuckle as Megan lifted Miss Spears up to her, her legs around Angelina’s smiling face. She rubbed her face in Britney’s crotch a bit then lifted and stood up then jumped off with a powerbomb from the second rope that absolutely planted the blonde on her back in centre ring, whereupon a three count was easily gained.

Your winners in 15:51 and still World Tag Team Champions are MEGAN FOX & ANGELINA JOLIE.

*

We then go a long video package detailing the events that have led up to the next match, the WAR GAMES! We see the Klan’s debut, we see them tarring and feathering Rihanna then shockingly lynching her, we see the repercussions as Beyonce breaks Sharon Stone’s leg and various other confrontations leading up to this feud ending battle. We also get told the rules as the large, Hell In a Cell like cage lowers around the ring. There is a door at opposite corners and at three minute intervals one member of each team will enter the cage. Once all ten combatants’ are in the cage the doors will be locked and only submission will end the carnage. One new stipulation has been added by the owner of the league (still unknown) is that whomever submits will be left alone in the cage at the mercy of the winning team and will be in their hands until the PPV ends.

*

The camera changes to an extreme of two intently staring hazel eyes. Slowly in pulls back and we can see and angry, vicious face with a spiked blonde Mohawk haircut and finally we recognise the face as belonging to Pink. She’s breathing hard and looking fucking intense, the muscles in her arms bulging visibly as the camera moves further back to show Cameron Diaz, Charlize Theron, Nicole Kidman and Gwyneth Palthrow standing around her. Cameron slaps Pink on the shoulders and glares at the camera before saying confidently.

“Look’s like we’ve got our fifth team member niggers!”

Then all four give a cheer and a congratulate each other and look every inch the formidable team.

The scene changes to the opposing team’s locker room and we see the five women all finishing their preparations when in walks their mentor Janet Jackson to deliver a rousing speech. It’s the first we’ve seen of her since she was involved in a hit and run that put her on crutches a couple of months ago and many have speculated that The Klan was involved in some way with the assault.

“Girls. We are no longer in the 1930’s. We are no longer slaves to white bitches who think they are born better than us. Go out there and show them who is the best and make them pay for all they have said and done!”

*

There is a palpable tension in the arena as the cage is fixed in place and the Klan is announced and Cameron Diaz, Charlize Theron, Gwyneth Paltrow, Nicole Kidman and Pink come down the ramp towards it. Sharon Stone accompanies them on crutches and the crowd are not slow to boo the hell out of them, they are not favourites here at all. They (and their opponents) are stark naked as per the stipulations of this match.

Their opponents reception is much warmer but even still the crowd sense the importance of this match and it seems to affect them. With each team assigned a corner outside the cage the door is opened by one of the in cage referees and the first member of the Klan, Cameron Diaz, enters. Seconds later Beyonce enters for her team and the doors close and the bell rings and War Games is underway!

The two furious women scramble into the ring at the same time and charge each other and for the next thirty seconds or so trade hard punches and slaps until Beyonce gets three punches in a row in and Cameron stumbles back but reaches out to rake her nails in Beyonce’s face. Cameron then drives her knee into Beyonce’s gut and whips her into the ropes for a clothesline that never comes because Beyonce ducks it, hits the opposite ropes then returns with a stiff spear that sends Diaz down to the mat and she desperately rolls out of the ring for a break. She doesn’t get it though as Beyonce slides out after her. Grabbing the blonde by her hair Beyonce marches her around the ring and over the to the re-enforced chicken wire cage wall and rams her forehead first into it, then repeats that five more times before Diaz reels away. But Beyonce doesn’t let her escape and grabs her hair again and runs with it along the cage and flings her face first into the other cage wall. Then she holds her there and proceeds to rub Cameron’s forehead furiously back and forth across the mesh and when she pulls her off there is a clear cut spurting claret over her pretty face. Just as Beyonce rolls her back into the ring, the buzzer goes to signal the entry of the next two competitors and from one corner enters Nicole Kidman and from the opposite, Nicole Sherzinger.

With Beyonce kneeling over Cameron Diaz and sending bare knuckle fist after bare knuckle fist into that cut the two Nicole’s engage outside the ring with a flurry of blows that Kidman comes out on top of thanks to a foot delivered between the other Nicole’s thighs and a clothesline that sends them both to the hard floor. However, as Kidman gets to her feet she is sent flying into the cage thanks to a baseball slide from Beyonce, who saw her teammate in trouble and left the bloody Diaz on the canvas to interject herself. Beyonce takes over on Kidman, lashing in a series of knife edged chops as Sherzinger recovers and enters the ring in time to drop a leg drop across Cameron’s throat before climbing up the nearest turnbuckle and aiming an elbow drop that goes awry when Cameron just rolls out of the way. Distracted Beyonce takes her eyes off her foe for a moment and Kidman seizes the chance, grabbing Beyonce’s head and flinging it forward to smack, violently into the metal ring post outside the ring. Beyonce sinks to her knees as Nicole grabs her head again and replicates the move a bit lower this time, then hooks Beyonce’s head under her arm and nails her with a DDT that drives her skull into the unforgiving floor.

With the tide well and truly turned Kidman rolls into the ring just as Cameron Diaz makes it up and they grab Sherzinger and grab her for a double suplex that they then slingshot off the tope rope before dropping her onto her back with venomous force. Kidman then sits on Sherzingers’ back and gets her hands under her chin and wrenches back hard while Cameron Diaz places her foot in the small of Sherzinger’s back and stands on it there producing a howl of anguish from the singer. And they are continuing this punishment when the buzzer goes for the third members of each team to enter, Rihanna and Gwyneth Paltrow. Rihanna hurries in and slides under the ropes and rapidly delivers a dropkick that connects with both Nicole’s tormentors before Gwyneth has even made the ring, and when she does an angry Rihanna nails her with a some uppercuts then a dropkick that sends her flying from the apron, into the cage and down to the floor. Cameron rushes her but Rihanna ducks and backdrops the bleeding blonde up and over the top rope before catching a charging Nicole Kidman with a drop toe hold that drops the Australian’s throat right across the middle rope.

Outside the ring Beyonce is up to her feet now and has a cut over her left eye but ignores that as she stomps the hell out of first Gwyneth then Cameron, before Irish whipping Miss Diaz right into the wall of the cage. In the ring Rihanna and Nicole Sherzinger have Kidman set up for a double powerbomb and drive her down in the centre of the ring and this time when Sherzinger ascends for a top rope elbow she nails it. Rihanna then climbs out of the ring and drops an axe handle on a slowly rising Cameron Diaz and proceeds to land a series of hard punches that further open her forehead and start the blood flowing even more freely while Beyonce picks up Gwyneth and runs at the cage and drives her face into the mesh like a battering ram and she too is now busted open as the buzzer sounds for the fourth team members to enter the fray.

One one side Pink storms into the cage and runs across the floor to batter Beyonce with a clothesline that nearly takes her head off. While on the other side…. Wait, what just happened? A replay shows Nicki Minaj about to step through the door when she was nailed from behind by a knee to her back by Mariah Carey! The unsuspecting Nicki flew forward and smashed her head right into the outside of the cage, busting her wide open. Mariah then shut the cage door leaving things as 4 on 3 in favour of the Klan. As Mariah spits on Nicki then kneels and pulls her lifeless face into the warm embrace of her cleavage, Janet Jackson stands over her going ballistic, asking what the hell when suddenly she goes down too. Sharon Stone has come up behind her and swung her crutch like a baseball bat and connected with the back of Janet’s skull. Then with the aid of Charlize Theron, Sharon attaches handcuffs to each of Janet’s wrists and then snaps them on to the outside of the cage, hanging her there in a crucifix style position before retrieving the broken crutch and forcing it into Janet’s throat, choking her out. At her feet Nicki Minaj’s limbs have gone totally limp and her face is still being smothered in Mariah’s tits.

In the cage things have turned around with Pink’s entrance. After nailing Beyoncé, she had gone into the ring and caught Nicole Sherzinger with a heavy duty spear before Rihanna managed to engage her and the two of them were trading blows in a corner in the ring. Outside the ring both Kidman and Paltrow had recovered and were lifting Beyoncé up and double Irish whipping her, face first into the cage and the following up to push her features into the mesh and just grind them in there, literally squeezing the blood from her wounds. Cameron Diaz, meantime had entered the ring and tossed Sherzinger from it before kicking a field goal between Rihanna’s thighs from behind and as she dropped Pink hooked her head and planted her with a DDT just as the buzzer rang for the final entrants to the War Games.

Mariah dragged Nicki’s lifeless body into the cage and allowed the referee to lock the door on their side. Then once in the cage Mariah just propped Nicki up sitting in the corner of the cage and proceeded to back her ass up to once again engulf Nicki’s unconscious face. Over the other side The Klan’s fifth member, Charlize Theron entered the cage and picked up Nicole Sherzinger in a powerbomb position but first slammed her back first into the cage wall before dropping her with a powerbomb on the unforgiving concrete floor. Then she took Beyonce from Nicole and Gwyneth, rammed her hand around Beyonce’s throat and lifted her up and dropped her with a crashing choke slam on the concrete. Before barking instructions at her two team mates to roll the limp body of Beyonce into the ring.

In the ring Pink and Cameron Diaz were systematically assaulting Rihanna’s neck. They each hit her with a DDT apiece then each hit a neckbreaker apiece. Then Pink loaded Rihanna onto her shoulders while Cameron ascended the turnbuckles to come off with a flying clothesline that turned Rihanna through over 360 degrees before crashing to the mat. By then Beyoncé had been dragged into the ring and had her arms wrapped in between the top and middle ropes and was being slapped and punched by Kidman and Paltrow while Charlize kicked her gut and made her watch as Pink hoisted Rihanna upside down and held her as Cameron climbed the turnbuckle again this time to drive her down in a spiked piledriver. It was brutal landing and Rihanna was laid completely out from it.

“Do it again girls! Do it until that nigger don’t walk no more!” demanded a heartless Theron.

So they set up for another spiked piledriver. Beyonce was weeping as blood trickled down her face as she saw the carnage and spat out.

“Stop! I quit! I quit!”

It was selfless act to save Rihanna but Cameron delivered the spiked Piledriver anyway before joining her colleagues in soaking up the boos from the fans as the announcer grabbed the microphone.

Your winners in 21:01 via submission from Beyonce Knowles, are the team of Charlize Theron, Cameron Diaz, Pink, Nicole Kidman and Gwyneth Paltrow. And as per match stipulations the losing team will be taken from the cage whilst Beyoncé will be the winners slave for the remainder of the evening.

*

First out of the cage was Mariah Carey to a huge chorus of boos as her act of treachery (caused by her intense dislike of Nicki Minaj had caused this miscarriage of justice) then Nicki, Nicole Sherzinger and Rihanna were all taken from the cage and loaded on stretchers, all still unconscious as the cage was closed behind them and Beyoncé freed from the ring ropes.

Outside the cage Sharon was done beating on Janet Jackson (she had ripped off her top and beaten her tits to pulp) so released the handcuffs and joined her fellow Klan members in the ring, all standing over a lone Beyoncé. First they forced Beyoncé to kiss their feet one after the other then Sharon takes a shaver from her handbag and hauls Beyoncé to her knees and gleefully cackles as she shaves the beautiful singer completely bald in the centre of the ring., the other girls mocking her as her locks disappeared. They then fitted a dog collar and leash around Beyoncé’s neck and took her for a long walk around the ringside area as the cage was lifted up. Then they took her to an area backstage and forced Beyoncé into a small box so that just her head was jutting out the top of it and she was trapped in it. Sharon Stone then announced that they would leave Beyoncé there for the rest of the show and if any of the crowd wanted to get rid of their pent up tension she was available for a ‘good old bukkake session’ and despite Beyoncé being a fan favourite you can bet there will be a long queue before very long. And so white supremacy seems to have won out in this long running feud.

*

At this point, with the crowd whipped into a frenzy, Catherine Zeta Jones strolls onto the platform at the top of the ramp and announces that the owner of the Federation (still a shadowy figure in the background) has made her the new Commissioner of the Federation. And that at the next PPV there will be a fatal fourway, elimination match to determine who is the new No. 1 contender for the World Title and will receive a World Title match at Bitchmania II. The four participants are then announced as Courteney Cox, Kaley Cuoco, Megan Fox and Angelina Jolie.

As the crowd digest that bit of news, Catherine has one further bit of news for them, that she has signed Katy Perry to a contract and the American singer will make her catfighting debut at the next PPV entitled “QUEEN OF THE RING”.

*

Whew! After all that things slowly settle down and the bell is rung to signal that introductions for the final match of the evening, the World Title match between Champ Jennifer Love Hewitt and Challenger Jennifer Aniston.

First out is the challenger, the most despised woman in the Federation, Jennifer Aniston. She has earned this shot at the World Title by turning her back on the fans and the rules and destroying two formers friends and partners, Kaley Cuoco and Courteney Cox and she is not likely to be forgiven by the fans anytime soon. From the self satisfied smirk on her face as she emerges to a torrent of abuse, it doesn’t seem to bother her a bit. She looks real good in a a light blue string bikini that shows off her toned, athletic, slim body and she looks supremely confident as she shows off her ass in bending to enter between the ring ropes. As she stands there the announcer introduces the World Heavyweight Champion, Jennifer Love Hewitt, who looks amazing in a red string bikini, and looks happy having finally seen off the double threat of old rivals, Sarah Michelle Gellar and Eliza Dushku (Jen had watched their earlier graveyard battle with a great interest). She could hardly have got a tougher first title defence though.

There is a real big match feel to this as the referee brings the two combatants together and they go chest to chest (Love Hewitt with the clear lead on that front) and gives them their instruction. The two Jennifer’s stare fixedly at each other until Aniston clears her throat then spits a large glob of phlegm right into the Champion’s eyes! Surprised Hewitt moves to wipe her eyes clear which allows Aniston to fire a hard knee right up and into her womanhood. And like that the bell rings and we’re under way.

The challenger follows up her underhanded start by backing up then running forward to level Hewitt with a clothesline and then slides down for a quick two count. Aniston is still grinning as she get up and lays some stamps to her opponents head and body before dragging her up by her long, dark hair, measuring her then nailing her with a vicious slap that sends JLH spinning into a corner, propped up by the turnbuckle and ropes. Aniston charges in behind that but JLH gets her elbow up and connects solidly with the challenger’s jaw, rocking her back. Hewitt follows up with a series of hard European style uppercuts then picks Aniston up and drops her with a bodyslam and follows up with a cover for a one count.

Love Hewitt grabbed her foes hair and yanked her to her knees to lift her up to her feet but Aniston struck again with an uppercut at the Champion’s crotch, but Hewitt expected it, stepped back sharply before stepping forward and ramming a hard knee right into Aniston’s surprised face. And as she knelt there reeling JLH went behind her, undid her bikini top and ripped it off leaving Jennifer Aniston topless in centre ring! She instinctively went to cover herself up but that left her open for a low drop kick from behind that sent her sprawling on her face, much to the delight of the crowd. JLH rolled her foe over then straddled her chest and before Aniston knew it her face was being pushed into the looming depths of her opponent’s mammoth mammaries. At the last moment Aniston realised the peril she was in and scrambled desperately backwards with her arms and somehow reached out to grab the bottom rope.

As the referee called for the break and pulled the Champion off Miss Aniston slid under the ropes for a break only to be met with a volley of verbal abuse from the ringside fans. Aniston couldn’t let that go and forgot her topless state to insult and berate the fans giving her such abuse. A dumb move as she soon finds out when Love Hewitt nails her from behind with a double axe handle leaping from the apron to flatter Aniston outside the ring in front of those self same fans. Hewitt rams Aniston’s head off the crowd barrier and the apron before shoving her back into the ring, hoping to finish this encounter early. But the cover that follows her legdrop as they re-enter the ring merely garners a one count. Annoyed Hewitt drags Aniston to her feet and flings her to the ropes then leaps for a dropkick that doesn’t come because Jennifer Aniston hooked the ropes and smirks as Jennifer Love Hewitt crashes to the mat without making contact.

And now Aniston really goes to work, dropping three lighting fast elbows to the back of Hewitt’s skull one after the other, then lifting her up and dropping her with a reverse DDT that drives the back of her skull into the mat. With her opponent dazed it was relatively easy for Aniston to peel off JLH’s bra top and then use it to strangle her until the referee reached a four count. Tossing away the garment Aniston then sat behind Hewitt and reached around her to grab her big nipples and twist and squeeze them with all her venomous might.

The World Champion’s screams filled the arena as she was subjected to this titty torture and some may well have feared a submission was about to come but they were never to find out as, in desperation, Love Hewitt flung her head back and cracked it hard on Aniston’s face, near breaking her nose and certainly causing her to lay off the painful twisting.

Both competitors lay on the mat for a short period recovering, Hewitt holding her tender breasts, Aniston holding her nose. They made it to their knees simultaneously and facing each other, they lost their control and grabbed hold of each other’s long hair and started clawing and scratching at each other like a couple of untrained catfighters. The crowd loved it, especially as they soon grappled themselves over and rolled around the ring like that. Of course, once things had broken down like that it was just a matter of time before Jennifer Aniston got an advantage, the dirty style suited her new demeanour. With Hewitt tugging like hell on her hair Aniston lowered her mouth onto her opponent’s big nipple and bit it as hard as she could! In that moment JLH released her hold on Aniston and clawed at her to get her off, she did but it left Hewitt’s eyes exposed and Aniston stuck her nails in there and scratched away causing the Champ a temporary blindness.

With the advantage Aniston is ruthless in the next stage of her attack. Pushing Hewitt onto her front she proceeds to kneel beside her and fire in several hard knees to the side of her head before rubbing her face into the mat then sitting on her back, hooking her arms over her knees and sinking in a camel clutch that bent the Champions back harshly. Aniston held the punishing move on for over a minute, using the time to trash talk the Champ constantly, goading her into submitting. But JLH showed no sign of a submission and Aniston eventually released the hold but only to stand over her, grab Hewitt’s longhair in both her hands, place her foot on the back of Hewitt’s head then release the hair and shove down with her foot absolutely planting the brunette’s pretty face hard into the canvas! When she rolled over looking dazed it looked like that vicious move may have broken her nose.

The next few minutes are uncomfortable viewing for fans of Jennifer Love Hewitt as the challenger just takes over on her and metes out some extreme violence. She stands her up, bends her over, grabs her by the hair and fires in knee after knee into her unprotected face, before hooking her for a Pedigree move that slams Hewitt’s face into the mat and gains an extremely close 2 and a half count. Aniston keeps on the pressure though and hits two DDT’s, with a cover after the second one only broken when Hewitt’s ankle makes the bottom rope. As she struggles to her knees Aniston measures her and hits a nasty looking kick right to the Champ’s head that actually sends her sprawling out of the ring and to the floor, looking like she got knocked out.

What a break for the Champion though because Aniston would surely have managed to get a three count if JLH had remained in the ring. As it is by the time she has exited the ring and hauled Hewitt to her feet she’s showing signs of coming round and when a frustrated Jennifer Aniston alters her attack and tries to Irish whip her opponent on the floor and into the metal crowd barriers, from nowhere, acting on instinct, Hewitt manages to reverse it and Jennifer Aniston ends up slamming back first into the metal railings, bent at a horrible angle on her back.

Seeing Jennifer Aniston bent backwards over the railing seemed to infuse the crowd with life again and they yelled their support to Love Hewitt as she struggled to her feet and stumbled over to her pained foe to try and take advantage. Grabbing Aniston and peeling her body off the railing Love Hewitt then smacked her opponent’s face off the corner post three time before shoving her back into the ring and following her.

With Aniston on her back and in obvious pain Love Hewitt straddled her and with the crowd noise rising as they realised what was coming next JLH dropped her bare, sweating boobs right onto Aniston’s face and then snaked her arms behind Aniston’s head to keep her trapped in her infamous breast smother. It seemed to take Aniston a moment or two before she registered her situation and then she began to struggle wildly as JLH increased the pressure and cut off more and more air. By sheer good fortune Jennifer Aniston’s right foot snagged the bottom rope and the referee forced a disappointed Jennifer Love Hewitt to break her deadly hold.

But Aniston’s still reeling and this time it’s that injured back that gets targeted as the Champion lifts her up then drops her across her outstretched knee with a hard backbreaker that she holds in place and bends her challenger awkwardly for a while before dropping her to the mat and swiftly hooking on an old style bow and arrow move that bends Aniston’s spine even more awkwardly.

This is starting to look like how this match will finish as Jennifer Love Hewitt strains every sinew in her body to bend her opponents back unnaturally and Jennifer Aniston bites her lip to keep from submitting until one of Aniston’s arms comes free and she reaches desperately behind her, hooks her fingers into the broken mess of Love Hewitt’s nostrils and pulls with all her remaining strength. With a howl of agony she has to release the hold and Aniston crumples, holding her back in agony.

After a few moments to tend to her nose JLH goes on the attack again, yanking her foe up to her feet and once more wrapping her arms behind her neck and thrusting her boobs around Jennifer Aniston’s features. This time, however, Aniston realises exactly what is about to happen and before it does she drives the point of her knee up between Love Hewitt’s thighs and cracks it off her pubic bone. Stunned with a sudden burst of excruciating pain JLH drops her arms and drops to her knees with her mouth in a large O shape. Aniston takes full advantage of her opponents situation by taking a couple of steps back before running up and kicking a field goal punt in the self same spot right in JLH’s cunt. She follows this up with Yakuza kick with the flat of her foot right to Hewitt’s face that finally topples her over and then leaps on her to get the closest of 2 counts imaginable, with the Champ just lifting her shoulder at the last minute. From there Aniston lifts Hewitt up and tries to position her for a tombstone piledriver but she can’t control it and both fall over in a heap on the mat. Undeterred though Aniston lifts her foe again, as if to suplex her but instead dumps her unceremoniously on the corner turnbuckle, crotching her in the process. She lays in a few punches and chops before climbing up herself and the crowd rise in anticipation as she ascends.

Jennifer Love Hewitt senses this could be a bad moment for her and from somewhere finds the energy to fire off a couple of punches herself and the crowd cheer at her comeback but just as she gets up to further her attack Aniston kicks her feet and she drops straight down on the turnbuckle bolt for another cruel crotching that takes the fight out of her. Aniston finishes her climb and hooks Hewitt’s head in her arm and with a defiant middle finger salute to two sides of the booing arena she jumps back and delivers a devastating DDT from the top rope that spikes Jennifer Love Hewitt’s skull into the mat from a dangerous height.

She is completely motionless as Jennifer Aniston gets to her feet then places her right foot right over the Champions nose and mouth and commands the referee to count.

ONE! TWO! THREE!!!!

The winner and NEW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION is JENNIFER ANISTON in 20:05.

After with Love Hewitt still out in centre ring Jennifer Aniston grabs the belt and insists the referee straps in on her and she poses with it before going back to the defeated ex-champ and talking smack at her, then pulling off Love Hewitt’s panty bottoms and shoving them in her mouth before stooping to a new low in the Federation as she pulls her own bikini bottoms aside then squats over the still motionless Jennifer Love Hewitt and proceeds to piss all over her face!

The crowd are incensed and boo like crazy and chuck rubbish at the ring but Aniston just smirks and continues to desecrate the former champions face until the last few drips hit her lips. With that new low for the promotion reached Jennifer Aniston stood and once again gave the middle finger to all the fans before exiting the ring rubbing her belt and looking very pleased with herself as paramedics pass her en route to the ring and a slowly coming round Jennifer Love Hewitt who sees on the jumbo screen above the ring exactly why her face and hair is wet and what that acrid smell and taste is. She looks absolutely disgusted and the last scene of the PPV is that of Jennifer Love Hewitt glaring at the disappearing new World Champion.